HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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