We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
