The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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