Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
