how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
