You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
