My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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