When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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