Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
