Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
