Do you still have your period?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
