Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
