thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
