i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
