quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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