I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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