I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
