You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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