I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I did not marry a roomba.
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