Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
