As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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