You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
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Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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