can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
