You're completely useless in the revolution.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
