Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
