dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
