I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
