I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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