I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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