So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Bring me that man meat
Randomize