great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
