I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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