Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
