I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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