You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
