Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
