I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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