Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
