Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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