my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
