too bad you live with your parents still
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
