fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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