the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
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It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
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I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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