I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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