I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
