:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
