You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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