We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
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haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
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If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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