I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
