You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
