Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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