I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
