I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
