doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
