I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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