Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
