Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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