Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We need to get me chipped asap
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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