I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
