I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
