I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
