I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
