If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
