okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
