i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
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It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
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I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus