i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow