the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.