Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(626): View more from California

Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.

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(917): View more from New York City

I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now

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(513): View more from Ohio

She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy

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(773): View more from Illinois

How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.

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(478): View more from Georgia

Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.

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(740): View more from Ohio

No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.

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(850): View more from Florida

The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.

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