I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.