in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail