he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love