I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
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So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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