My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
